I wrote about happiness in the moment the other day and today, I plan to delve into how to actually get there. 

Being happy in the moment is difficult, especially for overthinking, OCD-planning oddballs like moi. But! I have noticed some patterns that have led me to at least achieve this small win on a more regular basis. 

Stop Caring. At Least About Those Who Want to Hurt You.

I feel like for a good portion of my life, I have focused on what other people thought about me. People who told me I was too fat at my skinniest. People who told me I would never be a talented artist. People who were shocked that I have decided to commit to my writing. People who said I had to follow a certain plan to get to a certain destination. 

At some point, you have to just stop caring about all of the flapping tongues. They don’t know you. They don’t understand you. They can act like they do, but they never will. And that’s okay! Just let it roll off and do you. 

Take Risks. Strategically.

I’m a cautious person. This year, I changed that. 

I’ve started buying things that make me feel good even when I should probably hold off and save (don’t worry, I’m not in debt, I just have to pinch pennies elsewhere). I have traveled and am planning to do more of that. I’ve launched a website and purchased other writing-specific tools to give myself a real chance at this career. I’ve started actively working on the idea side of some art projects with my husband. I’ve reached out to people I find inspiring. I’ve decided to embrace social media to talk to people outside of my comfort zone and brand myself. I’ve done a lot of uncomfortable things. And so far…I like it! 

Ramp Up. After You Build the Ramp.

Without naming names, I, along with several of my other more conservative friends and loved ones have been called “privileged” when it comes to our current lifestyle. I think it is important at this juncture to note that I am not writing this by a lake with a glass of wine and a pool boy…but never-the-less…

Now don’t get me wrong! I am privileged in some ways. 

• I have an amazing, supportive family.

• I was taught how to save my money.

• I am in a strong, healthy relationship. 

• I grew up in a small town community with values I respect. 

That being said, what I have done with my life after childhood is not privilege. I have saved. I have worked hard. I have planned. I have taken almost zero chances. 

By comparison, I have seen others go on vacations (some multiple times per year), buy event tickets they couldn’t afford and have choose to limit their career scope to a small niche in lieu of degrading their values. 

I wasn’t willing to do those things and since I have led a rather conservative life, at this point I have built a solid foundation from which I am now starting to take risks. 

Suddenly, the roles have been reversed and those “others” are touting the idea that I am in a privileged state. Arguably, I may be in a better place than them at the moment, but I refuse to accept that resentment. I am where I am because of my early life choices. 

And, those same people can make better life choices that will lead them to the same place I am at currently. 

What I am trying to say is, if you make strong choices, you will eventually be able to do what you want to do. But! You can’t always have what you want all the time. Life just doesn’t work like that for the general public (there are exceptions). 

Sometimes, you have to savor the little crumbs of happiness while you wait for a bigger bite. And…I have to say, from personal experience, that taste is delicious and well worth waiting for.

Stop Measuring Yourself. Against Others.

Gosh this has so many applications. I am tempted to write about weight again here, but the point I want to make is that other people are not you. They are  playing different games with different odds. They have different strengths! 

To dork out here for a moment, they might roll a natural 20 for charisma while you keep tossing out 1’s. That being said, you might have better odds with other traits. Stop trying to be another person! Capitalize on what you do best and let yourself thrive! 

If you measure your successes against other people you will never succeed. Never. Stop. 

Spend Time. With Those Who Want to See You. 

This lesson is one I still have to re-learn on a regular basis. 

Have you ever listened to Aziz Ansari do his brunch sketch? I can’t find a direct link to a video, but the basic gist is that certain people in today’s world do not want to commit. To anything. He said that trying to find a person to get brunch with him is like being a telemarketer. You start from the top of the list of friends and work your way down to the sh*ttiest person you would eat a waffle with. 

Why is this relevant? Well, it’s because if someone consistently doesn’t commit to plans with you or is waiting for a better offer, you may want to look into finding better friends. 

I’m not saying that you have to drop your friends who won’t commit. I’m simply suggesting that you focus more of your energy on finding and spending time with the people in your life that will. Ultimately, you will be happier if you do this. Constant rejection is just not necessary!

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Happy 2019 (wow that’s late). I hope you make it your year.