Have you all finished watching the Youtube (now on Netflix) Cobra Kai series? Personally, I main-lined it in two days. It’s excellent, but that’s not the point here.
Post-watch (cough, cough: binge), I was left thinking about how emotional the four male leads were. Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso, as well as Miguel Diaz and Robby Keane. Sure, there were two main females with talented supporting females as well, but the main story is about these four. Four wildly emotional, unpredictable men.
Leadership and Women
It’s still somewhat of a controversial idea that a woman can and should be as bold as a man. Many memes and inspirational statements float around the internet to much aplomb including:
“Let me take a minute to say that I love bossy women. Some people hate the word, and I understand how ‘bossy’ can seem like a shitty way to describe a woman with a determined point of view, but for me, a bossy woman is someone to search out and celebrate. A bossy woman is someone who cares and commits and is a natural leader.”
― Amy Poehler
“I decided that I wasn’t bossy. I was strong.” ― Michelle Obama
“It's not a woman's job to get smaller and smaller until she disappears so the world can be more comfortable.” ― Glennon Doyle Melton
“I want every little girl who someone says 'they're bossy' to be told instead, 'you have leadership skills.'” ― Sheryl Sandberg
Side note: If you would like more content like that in your feed, check out The Female Lead.
But, as Meghan Markle said, “Women make up more than half of the world’s population and potential, so it is neither just nor practical for their voices, for our voices, to go unheard at the highest levels of decision-making. The way that we change that, in my opinion, is to mobilise girls and women to see their value as leaders, and to support them in these efforts.”
Why aren’t more women leading? If you ask me, it’s due to the old adage “women are too emotional.” The fact is, the role of “leader” is one primarily held by men and that needs to change. Why? Because men are just as driven by their emotions as women are!
Cobra Kai Never Dies
Let’s get back to my Cobra Kai point. By the way, slight spoiler alerts may drop here...so finish watching before you continue…
Lawrence is my favorite character in Cobra Kai because he is a perfect portrait of a real-life trauma survivor. He has spent his entire post-high school life in a pit of despair because he was physically and emotionally abused by his coach, but this series is meant to be his redemption story.
That being said, he is (understandably) angry at the world. Even when he isn’t visibly upset, the emotions bubble like lava beneath his skin, dulled by alcohol, showing just slightly through small facial expressions. He has outbursts all. the. time!
His adversary, LaRusso (the famed Karate Kid) is an arrogant, yet successful punk who is only satisfied when everything is just-so in his world. Even at the end of the second season, he vows to make sure Cobra Kai “won’t get away with this.” His wife is arguably the voice of reason in his life.
Like their older counterparts, Diaz, who functions as a surrogate son for Lawrence, who wasn’t around for his own child. Diaz is a multi-dimensional character. He is a “nerd” and sweet boy, but he is also strong, jealous, and angry. In other words, he shows a range of emotions. He falls in love with a girl who is just as talented as him athletically and is his equal mentally.
His foil is Keane, who suffered from early on neglect from both of his parents. He spends much of the series lashing out through stunts such as stealing but does show that he is worth redeeming. He also falls for the girl that Diaz loves.
But enough talk about the characters themselves...let’s talk about the end of season 2 where the entire school erupts into an insane fight. It’s true, at first blush it looks like a girl fight (one kissed another’s boyfriend), but the escalation is almost entirely male (just take a look at Hawk at minute 2:06 in that scene…). The series closes with a kid in a coma, and that is directly due to a case of testosterone-fueled jealousy between Diaz and Keane.
It should be noted here that all genders took part in the fight, but it should also be considered that one of the supporting characters, Aisha, is probably the best example of a leader in the pack. Consistently throughout the series, the character keeps her emotions level. She is hurt several times in very meaningful ways, but most of the time, she maintains contact with different sides of all arguments. The ending is an unfortunate exception, but I think she is a really strong character who would ultimately lead much better than the male ones.
I should note now that I am not excusing the behavior of the female characters in the series—I am simply stating that the male ones are equally to blame. These characters are all based on stereotypes, but there are very real reasons why women make great leaders. Here are some reasons I advocate for more of them.
Natural Multi-taskers
I can’t say that I always love my ability to multi-task, but due to some of the gender norms in the United States (and other) countries, women are built for it. We as a group take care of children, the house, and in many cases, we have full-time jobs. There are exceptional male partners who buck this norm, but the general rule is that keeping balls in the air is kind of “our thing.”
Missile headed toward the earth while an enemy county is invading and global warming is a thing? Hmmm…right! Prioritize the missile destruction plan, while getting on the phone with the “enemy” country (possibly try to get them to partner up in destroying the missile), and then use that newfound camaraderie to work on the international global-warming initiative. Boom.
No, that’s not real, but I can promise you many women’s brains work in a similar manner due to the way we live.
Side note: we really DO need to do something about global warming…
They Care
When men say that women are “too emotional” to lead, I believe what they are really saying is “they care more about people than money.” Okay, okay, I’m not saying there aren’t fiscally responsible women out there (there are many) or emotionally intelligent men, but I truly believe if given the choice between a purely-financial decision and one that balances financials with the well-being of others, the majority of women would pick the latter.
They Form Strong Partnerships
Earlier in this post, I quoted former First Lady, Michele Obama. I ask you...has there ever been a more loving relationship between a President and his wife? They are an example of two partners who consistently lift each other up. Strong female leaders pick emotionally strong partners and together, they change the world.
They Think Differently
I’m not even going to state a specific way that women think differently than men. What I will say is that their different vantage point gives them just that, a different view on topics. Why would we want all people to lead in the same way? That’s limited. We need intellectual diversity among leaders.
—
I want to be clear. This in no way means I do not think male leaders are valid. It means that I believe in an equitable mix of genders and gender identities (including non-binary, transgender, and other LGBTQIA+ designations), and the removal of the “too emotional” stigma.
Women deserve a seat at the big kid’s table. There are so many to look up to. There are many who have yet to fully bloom, but will, in time amaze the world.
Post-post notes: if you didn’t gather this from the blog itself, I believe that transgender women are women (and they are included in my “women at the big kid’s table” stance, we need diversity, equity, and inclusion of all gender identities and ethnicities in all aspects of life, especially leadership, and love is love. That’s me.