What have I learned?
Sounds like a simple question
One that does not have an easy answer
As the days become weeks
And the weeks blur into months
Time has no meaning anymore
A ship out to sea with no bearings
No anchor to tether me in place.
All the pleasures I always took for granted
A dinner out at an intimate fancy restaurant
A craft beer at a crowded bar
Music flowing through you at a show
A rejuvenating yoga class to feel alive again
The little things.
I have learned where my limits are
To being confined within the same four walls
Day in and day out
So white and harsh
Suffocating my spirit as I work away.
Self discipline
Drive and productivity
Knowing others are far worse off
Keeping the train on the tracks
Full speed ahead.
Adapting to the new normal
Always evolving
Donning a mask
Hiding what used to be my vibrant smile
Now often a sneer
At all the fools
Noses wagging atop their masks
Barreling the wrong way down the grocery store aisle
Not caring at all for for their own safety
Let alone that of others.
Our selfish Americanness
Kindness fallen by the wayside
Rugged individualism
Our rights being infringed upon
Karmic justice, I’m hopeful, will eventually reign.
Life as we know it may never be the same
The constant threat of illness
That could be the onset to untimely death
With one misstep
One wrong breath.
But the virus is not the only danger
Our leadership is running amok
People of color trampled on
As if the last 60 years of progress
Never even happened
The joke is on us
On our perfect democracy.
I feel fear in a away I haven’t in a long time
Stress
Anger
Trepidation
Hoping for my loved ones to be safe
For me to be safe.
Longing for those little things
Dangling in front of your nose
Just out of reach.
The longer this goes on
The farther I unravel
A puddle, rippling in the breeze
Evaporating in the heat of the moment.
I haven’t had the free time or bandwidth to learn
As some others have
Baking sourdough
Knitting
Teaching ourselves new useless skills and hobbies
To lose ourselves, to hide
To forget the monsters lurking
Under the bed
On the other side of the door
The outside world with its cruelty and chaos
Knocking
Waiting with baited breath
For you to yearn for normalcy so badly
That you throw caution to the wind.
We are all just grasping
Trying to hold our lives together
Water spilling from our hands
As we try to cup it, protect it.
I have learned a thing or two about resiliency
Gravity pulling us down
Scratching and crawling
Fighting
Never letting go
Making the decision to forge on
To not give up
Not to let adversity win.
I see it every day
In the parents working full time
And still helping to educate their children
From their living rooms
Their kitchen tables
In our essential workers risking exposure
Everyday
To ensure others make it home
Those in the service industry
Giving people something to look forward to
Outside the comfort or prison of their homes
Small businesses closing their doors
People out of work left and right
But we bail out the rich once more
Why the hell not?
The polar bears starving
Sea level rising
While communities can no longer afford to recycle, let alone innovate
Trying to pluck positives out of thin air
Bright flowers
Bees buzzing
Searching for grounding, for sanity
As the world spins out around me
Quiet
Serenity
As we retreat back to our four walls
Nature is trying to take back
All we stole from it
Moose grazing in urban centers
Sharks swimming up and down the coasts
Murder hornets
Swarming
A tale so tall if we were not living it
We would never believe it
Fake news.
Like life right now for many
My words flit and float across the page
I could go on
and on
and on
But I won’t.
I’ll spare you
The rhetoric
The lecture
To be completely honest,
Not sure how much I am learning
Certainly I am not thriving
But at least I am surviving.
Take a depth breath
Appreciate the freedom of the air entering
Exiting our lungs
Not even enjoying the exhale
As we gasp for oxygen once more.
Maybe if we close our eyes
Wish upon a star
This nightmare will dissipate
All we can do is hope
One foot in front of the other
Begging for a better tomorrow
When you have hit rock bottom
The only place to go is up.
With the encouragement of a good friend
The warm embrace of your partner
A snuggle and kiss from your canine
Companionship.
The little things
That show you there is light at the end of the tunnel
That when you finally break the surface
You will not be alone.