You may be asking yourself “what kind of low brow caveman would write such a piece?” The short answer: a guy who refers to himself as “The Archduke of Mayhem.” This piece, however, was a semi request/dare from Ms. Gillian Barnes herself. I made a joke about writing a piece about getting your grandma to talk about her hoe phase at Thanksgiving dinner, and Gillian’s reply was “OMG Write That.” If this year’s “Gillian Writers With Others” is starting off with bathroom humor, blame Gillian.