Grief burns low and hot
Sometimes it rages
Others it’s smoldering
But it’s eternal
Unable to be snuffed out
I stand tall by day
Overwhelmed and overburdened
With the weight of my work
But it helps me hide
The pain of your loss and all that came after
If I dwell on it, I begin to drown
Water rushing into my open mouth
Filling my nose
Sputtering panic with every breath
Feeling the lure of succumbing
Just because I have survived it
Does not mean that I am thriving
I want to be ok
I try to be
Is there a choice?
I think about you all the time
The laughs, the tears and the adolescent rage
Wet kisses and bear hugs
Tough as nails, always in charge
That apple didn’t fall far
Orphaned, I feel so solitary
Jealous of the parents others still have
And most sadly take for granted
My child will never know you
But they will never forget your legacy
Our relationships were complicated
Nuanced and full of love
But also seething with a darkness
A resentment for your poor choices
But more so, their impact on me
I wish I could have said goodbye
But both so steeped in obstinacy, of course I could not get my way
Instead laying bloodied in the grass
A fallen soldier not going gently
Hoping time and nature will heal my open wounds
The sun still rises
The loons call eerily through the night
The saddest of mourning songs, the piano man
The cycle of life always churning
Butter. Eyes wide shut. Sleep.