Right before COVID-19 hit the state of New Hampshire, I had been working with my therapist to focus on giving myself permission to relax. Typing that out, it seems so silly… Who doesn’t enjoy relaxing, right?
Well, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been the type of person to go-go-go. It’s so odd. While I am entirely capable of being patient when I need to be, I also really struggle with slowing down and taking time for myself.
I hate sitting still or waiting in lines. When shopping, I rush to get in and out as quickly as possible. When driving I get ridiculously angry at people that drive 10mph under the speed limit or if I hit traffic. (Don’t even get me started on the people that drive slow in the passing lane…) I always have various to-do lists lying around that I rush to get through whether at work or at home.
But it’s not just small things like that… I’m also a total workaholic and more often than not, I’ve been employed at multiple places at once. I’m awful at taking time off from work. I even structure my days to try to get as much done as I possibly can, whether that’s at work during my normal 9-5, completing tasks for my part time job, or doing one of the dozens of important things that need to get done around the house.
Phew.
Even though I had been trying to work on this through therapy, one day I heard something on the My Favorite Murder Podcast that totally stopped me in my tracks. Host Karen Kilgariff said something along the lines of, “Keeping busy isn’t a character trait, it’s a coping mechanism.”
Oofh. It was like a flash grenade went off in my head! For the next few minutes, I didn’t hear anything, I didn’t feel anything, I wasn’t looking at anything specific… I just totally zoned out.
This made so much sense to me. I absolutely pack my days to the brim so I don’t have any down time because in the downtime, that’s when the nasties come crawling back. What nasties? Well, for me, it’s the two demons that tend to go hand in hand that so many people are acquainted with; anxiety and depression.
Those two certainly aren’t the best things to deal with during these times when the world seems to have flipped upside down and nothing in the news makes any logical sense.
But during the stay at home order, as social engagements were being cancelled left and right, I finally had some time to reflect. To REALLY reflect and actually sit with my thoughts rather than jumping from one thing to another. And sure, every now and then, I seem to fall back into my old patterns. But overall, I can see that I have come a long way from where I was back in March.
This is mainly thanks to my amazing therapist, Susan, my incredibly supportive husband, Alex, and my amazing friend, Morgan, the three of which help to keep me on track!
So what exactly have I been doing to stay on track? Check out some of my relaxation tips below.
Try meditation
I was so against meditation for the longest time as I just can’t turn down my loud thoughts. When my therapist recommended trying again using one of the various apps that are now available right on your phone, I agreed to give it another solid attempt. My first few tries were horrible. I did just quick ten-minute sessions and had to actively repeat certain mantras to try to stay focused. But just like anything else, I’ve realized that it takes practice. I have a long way to go in order to improve my personal meditation practice, but I’m excited to keep trying!
Get outside
Just being in the fresh air is so helpful and refreshing. I’ve been making sure to get outside almost every day at lunch time at least for five minutes just to soak up some sunshine and breathe. It’s also a nice thing to do just to get away from screens and recharge for a bit.
Focus on the 1-and-1
Morgan, my coworker and friend, and I started doing this soon after we all began working from home. With this method, we have a check in every morning to touch base. On each call, we state one goal we could like to accomplish for the day at work, and one goal we would like to accomplish outside of work. This helps us to stay focused on being productive, but also breaking it up into smaller, easier to manage chunks.
Re-evaluate consistently
I tend to get stuck in a pattern, whether it’s effective or not. When I start to slip, I find myself pushing through rather than taking a step back to re-evaluate. Recently, I have made sure to pause and take the time to think things over. I’ve been doing this across the board whether it’s with how I’m structuring my schedule, or just how I am spending my energy. Anything that no longer serves me or no longer brings me joy, I cut out if I am able.
Read for the last hour before bed
This is the one that I don’t usually have too much of a problem with as I’m a major bookworm! But setting an alarm on my phone helps me to remember that it’s time to stop working, log off my computer, boil some chamomile tea, and grab my book! It’s a great way to relax and calm my mind a bit before bed.
Go to bed at a consistent time
This one was a huge struggle for me at first. But having that alarm to stop what I’m doing to go read helps me kickstart my bedtime routine. When I follow my personal routine, I’m almost always yawning as soon as the clock hits 10:30pm, right on schedule!
I’ll admit, I still do a bit too much. I probably always will. But I think that as long as I continue to value my time, the more self-aware I will be and therefore, the more I will give myself the permission to just kick back and relax.
And with that, I will leave you all with one quote that has really helped me to remember that it’s okay to take a step back and do things that aren’t necessarily “productive.” After all, we all need time to just live.
“Always make time for things that make you feel happy to be alive.” —Anonymous
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