The Unexpected Benefits of Giving Yourself Allowances by Rosemary Poppe (@RosemaryPoppe)

What have I learned from quarantine? One thing this experience has made me realize is, just how tired I was. I have always been someone who rises with the sun and packs as much into a day as is possible. However, with fewer constraints on my time, I am starting to understand why people sleep in. I never understood it before, but I get it now. Naps—I still don’t get those—but there’s time. 

I suffer from serious FOMO (fear of missing out)—and even on the days when I could’ve let an event go without being present—I succumb to an overwhelming sense of social responsibility. However, over these past few months, with few places to go and little to do, I have relished my time—enjoying the opportunity to breathe, slow down, and re-focus.

So here, I will focus on allowances. Allowing yourself some leeway. Allowing yourself to pursue the things you’ve otherwise not had time for, or have always told yourself that you haven’t really needed. For me, those allowances have been to let go of rigorous schedules and workout routines, and to invest in more of the things that make me happy. 

What I’ve really begun to notice—with so much time spent at home—is my urge to nest and really develop my living spaces—has bloomed. I also use allowances as a fiscal term, because while I’m saving money in some areas of my life (like going out to eat, drinking at bars, and paying for exercise memberships), I have invested in others. I have basically purchased every little piece of something or other, that I think will be the finishing touch to a certain space. A throw for the couch, a chair for that nook, new ties to pull back the curtains. Each little thing brings me joy. 

I have pulled apart closets, given away countless items, and reorganized shelves upon shelves. All of which makes me feel lighter and more comfortable in my home. What truly brings life into each of these spaces, however, are my plants. My darling plants have taken over the house, from window sills to end tables—there are so many plants—you will likely breathe a little easier. 

I have been ‘bringing the outdoors in’ for a few years now and my plants have taught me a lot about responsibility and patience—watering them is a simple form of meditative gratitude. With more precious time available, my love for plants has overflowed to the outdoors (only seems natural...right?), and I’ve allowed myself to invest time, money, and energy into developing three garden beds. 

The impact of gardening outdoors has been delightfully unexpected.

Clearing the beds and planting was hard, manual work—I was sore and covered in dirt—but talk about (nearly) instant gratification. I was able to be creative, work with my hands, and look back on a hard day’s work and say, ‘I did that’. What used to be home to some very large bushes is now covered in colorful flowers—from hibiscus to daylilies, to hydrangeas—and is populated by bustling bees and butterflies.  

Perhaps the least expected outcome, but an absolutely lovely one is connecting with neighbors who I had either never spoken to, or seen before. What I’ve learned is that they were also invested in my progress. My house sits on a busy corner, and there is a crosswalk by my front door that crosses to a walking path. The bushes that I mentioned earlier made standing at the crosswalk (and trusting that the cars could actually see you) a less than desirable experience. 

The three men of our three-unit house had begun painting the exterior of the house early on in quarantine, so neighbors and passers-by would often comment and take in the progress. The men later pulled out the bushes, and exclamations of approval and gratitude began to pour from folks. Once I began to work in the gardens, the same people would stop and appreciate the effort, the color, and the change. One neighbor, after one conversation with him, lent me a book on gardening—it was like I had been returned to the 1990s when kids played in the street and dogs roamed freely…Man, the 90s were awesome, but I digress.  

I have met more people after a few weeks of being outside digging in the dirt than I have in eight years of living on this busy corner. What I’ve found is that during a time when the idea of community seemed lost, I have begun to create one, or really, get to know the one that’s always been here. I am certain that this wouldn't have come to pass without being sent home to work, and restricted from doing the things that typically took up my time.  

I have slowed down—I have re-focused—and I have become more patient with myself and others. I spend more time enjoying the simpler things in life and making allowances for myself and the things that make me happy, and it has had many unexpected benefits. 

If you enjoyed this piece, please follow Rosemary Poppe on Twitter @RosemaryPoppe. 

Learning How to Give Myself Permission to Relax by Erica Robyn (@ericarobyn)

Right before COVID-19 hit the state of New Hampshire, I had been working with my therapist to focus on giving myself permission to relax. Typing that out, it seems so silly… Who doesn’t enjoy relaxing, right? 

Well, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been the type of person to go-go-go. It’s so odd. While I am entirely capable of being patient when I need to be, I also really struggle with slowing down and taking time for myself.

I hate sitting still or waiting in lines. When shopping, I rush to get in and out as quickly as possible. When driving I get ridiculously angry at people that drive 10mph under the speed limit or if I hit traffic. (Don’t even get me started on the people that drive slow in the passing lane…) I always have various to-do lists lying around that I rush to get through whether at work or at home. 

But it’s not just small things like that… I’m also a total workaholic and more often than not, I’ve been employed at multiple places at once. I’m awful at taking time off from work. I even structure my days to try to get as much done as I possibly can, whether that’s at work during my normal 9-5, completing tasks for my part time job, or doing one of the dozens of important things that need to get done around the house. 

Phew.

Even though I had been trying to work on this through therapy, one day I heard something on the My Favorite Murder Podcast that totally stopped me in my tracks. Host Karen Kilgariff said something along the lines of, “Keeping busy isn’t a character trait, it’s a coping mechanism.” 

Oofh. It was like a flash grenade went off in my head! For the next few minutes, I didn’t hear anything, I didn’t feel anything, I wasn’t looking at anything specific… I just totally zoned out.

This made so much sense to me. I absolutely pack my days to the brim so I don’t have any down time because in the downtime, that’s when the nasties come crawling back. What nasties? Well, for me, it’s the two demons that tend to go hand in hand that so many people are acquainted with; anxiety and depression.

Those two certainly aren’t the best things to deal with during these times when the world seems to have flipped upside down and nothing in the news makes any logical sense. 

But during the stay at home order, as social engagements were being cancelled left and right, I finally had some time to reflect. To REALLY reflect and actually sit with my thoughts rather than jumping from one thing to another. And sure, every now and then, I seem to fall back into my old patterns. But overall, I can see that I have come a long way from where I was back in March.

This is mainly thanks to my amazing therapist, Susan, my incredibly supportive husband, Alex, and my amazing friend, Morgan, the three of which help to keep me on track!

So what exactly have I been doing to stay on track? Check out some of my relaxation tips below.

Try meditation

I was so against meditation for the longest time as I just can’t turn down my loud thoughts. When my therapist recommended trying again using one of the various apps that are now available right on your phone, I agreed to give it another solid attempt. My first few tries were horrible. I did just quick ten-minute sessions and had to actively repeat certain mantras to try to stay focused. But just like anything else, I’ve realized that it takes practice. I have a long way to go in order to improve my personal meditation practice, but I’m excited to keep trying! 

Get outside

Just being in the fresh air is so helpful and refreshing. I’ve been making sure to get outside almost every day at lunch time at least for five minutes just to soak up some sunshine and breathe. It’s also a nice thing to do just to get away from screens and recharge for a bit. 

Focus on the 1-and-1

Morgan, my coworker and friend, and I started doing this soon after we all began working from home. With this method, we have a check in every morning to touch base. On each call, we state one goal we could like to accomplish for the day at work, and one goal we would like to accomplish outside of work. This helps us to stay focused on being productive, but also breaking it up into smaller, easier to manage chunks. 

Re-evaluate consistently

I tend to get stuck in a pattern, whether it’s effective or not. When I start to slip, I find myself pushing through rather than taking a step back to re-evaluate. Recently, I have made sure to pause and take the time to think things over. I’ve been doing this across the board whether it’s with how I’m structuring my schedule, or just how I am spending my energy. Anything that no longer serves me or no longer brings me joy, I cut out if I am able. 

Read for the last hour before bed

This is the one that I don’t usually have too much of a problem with as I’m a major bookworm! But setting an alarm on my phone helps me to remember that it’s time to stop working, log off my computer, boil some chamomile tea, and grab my book! It’s a great way to relax and calm my mind a bit before bed. 

Go to bed at a consistent time

This one was a huge struggle for me at first. But having that alarm to stop what I’m doing to go read helps me kickstart my bedtime routine. When I follow my personal routine, I’m almost always yawning as soon as the clock hits 10:30pm, right on schedule!

I’ll admit, I still do a bit too much. I probably always will. But I think that as long as I continue to value my time, the more self-aware I will be and therefore, the more I will give myself the permission to just kick back and relax.

And with that, I will leave you all with one quote that has really helped me to remember that it’s okay to take a step back and do things that aren’t necessarily “productive.” After all, we all need time to just live. 

“Always make time for things that make you feel happy to be alive.” —Anonymous

If you enjoyed this piece, please follow Erica Robyn on Twitter @ericarobyn.